my first spurt of oxytocin

It was 9th grade I was a shy and sober guy in school, I had joined coaching back then and I knew no one there so I had decided to be myself and let go of all shyness and be brave and bold, I was too. This one day just after 2 weeks of classes starting I went into the class the last seat was empty I sat there and to my surprise, there was a new student, a girl with beautiful black hair she was fair and was actively answering the questions I was not attracted instantly but I had this curiosity to see her face and her name was a bit new for me so I wanted to know that, so I constantly was peeking at her and finally I saw her face properly, she was an angel, literally an angel, I was so into her the exact moment I saw her, I had never seen anyone so beautiful in my whole 14-15 years back then..I vividly remember saying hi to her and just getting back on staring at her silky hair the whole day that day. As days progressed we talked and talked and got to know about each other, I was not sure that she was also liking me but this one day after the classes left I took out my bicycle and started talking to my friends down near a tree which was not visible from the top storey where our class was, she was actually searching me as she didn’t saw me leave not knowing this I took the cycle and rode down my way home, don’t know what made me turn I just looked back and she was right there from the top window looking at me saying bye with her eyes and a sigh of relief for her she couldn’t bare me from her sight for a few minutes. I was now for sure into her and she was all into me, As being an idiot I am I couldn’t gather the courage to tell her what I felt. don’t know why she stopped coming to class and I never saw her after…Little did I know this wasn’t the last time I will see her… I finished my 9th grade and got over with summer break and ready to start 10th grade joined another coaching class, it was the last day for admission there so I went over there with my dad and stood in the line to get the application, holy shit she was exactly in front of me in the line…I was soooooooooooo happy and was giggling how things come back..we talked a bit as we were shy around our parents and for my luck, she was in the same batch too, I thanked God and got admission there…it was my first day I had joined a van service to commute as it was far from my home, sat there and to another of my surprise we stopped near a house and I saw a girl walk into….there she was, it was her!!! My heart started jumping again and I couldn’t contain my happiness and talked with her till I got there…as the days passed I tried telling her but I couldn’t I was waiting for the right time but I seem the right time was right there but I lost it…on the last day I thought of telling her but I was afraid of losing her and her friendship so I let it go..and said bye for one last time..it was Feb 2019. I talked to her once again (May 2021) as I got her number from a common friend and we texted for a day and so but I couldn’t contain my feelings for her and called her and told her whatever I felt, guess she never felt the same towards me she said, I was heartbroken and she did ask me we could be friends and never get this between us again, but each and every aspect about her I had the same love towards her voice, her hair, her eyes, her fragrance, her smile, her walk, her talk, and her breath…she might have said she never felt the same for me but deep down I know and she knows we were in love but we never dared to tell each other. Don’t die in guilt and cowardness my friends you love/like someone tell them right now, don’t wait for the right time the right time is now! I still have her as a part of me and she will be as I had spent my most beautiful time with her and got my first feeling of oxytocin with her. (4/01/2022 21 32)