Striaght from my heart via a twitter thread.
Writing dairy/journal may seem exhausting at that moment but when you read it after a long time, when you have forgotten the feel of that moment it surely brings a weird mixture of emotions out of you.
I had one such experience when I found a diary entry dated 4 years back where I had confessed my love to my high school sweetheart but never handed it over to her (still regret abt that).
I know we wouldn’t have been together for long and our relationship might have ended at the end of the academic year, but I still have that question deeply unanswered. what might we have been if I had given her that letter?
From a third-person perspective, the answer would be simple, a YES or NO.
But the answer from the perspective of me who never had given a thought about losing her, her friendship, always made me stand behind a line which i dare wouldn’t cross which might end our interaction.
I still remember I had that letter which I had written on an exactly half a4 size sheet with the words which I wanted to tell her during the span of 2 years in which we were together.
It was a compilation of all the poems I had written, which I would whisper to her when we were sitting alone in the classroom, all the doodles which I had drawn whilst I stood from afar and watched her do things (mostly reading and unswirling her hair).
fuck you if you think I was a dork but, a 14-year-old me felt those things were romantic..now that I think of all those things. If I had a chance to give advice to a younger me was to articulate things more, feelings, frustrations, anger and pretty much all emotions not to any other person but to myself.
This diary I found surely brought back a lot of memories. If you’re still reading this I would suggest you please write…
the feeling of lightness after you scribble your emotions on a paper and the feeling of heaviness which you feel after reading the same piece after a few years is truly worth it.
finding my lost love for poetry
“poetry is the clear expression of mixed feelings”W.H. Auden
I have been trying to write this blog for a long time but every time I sit for introspecting I get blanked out and close and get busy with my monotonous life as a student. This has been a tough write as I had to seek into myself, I think that is the most exhausting part “to introspect” for anyone who tries to articulate their inner self.
Poetry has been the way through which I articulate or to say I articulated but as there’s nothing much happening in my life and around I am not able to find the very spark of an idea or inspiration to frame the starting words.
I started writing poems about 3-4 years ago to express my burst of hormones and the very feeling of first love I had during my age of adolescence. As cliche it sounds I had presented my poems to her and she was truly impressed that made me write more and more but now as she’s long gone seems like my love for poetry too is long gone.
This is me trying to find my lost love for poems and in-process find my lost love for people.
Estimated reading time: 1 minute, 0 seconds. Contains 202 words
my first spurt of oxytocin
It was 9th grade I was a shy and sober guy in school, I had joined coaching back then and I knew no one there so I had decided to be myself and let go of all shyness and be brave and bold, I was too. This one day just after 2 weeks of classes starting I went into the class the last seat was empty I sat there and to my surprise, there was a new student, a girl with beautiful black hair she was fair and was actively answering the questions I was not attracted instantly but I had this curiosity to see her face and her name was a bit new for me so I wanted to know that, so I constantly was peeking at her and finally I saw her face properly, she was an angel, literally an angel, I was so into her the exact moment I saw her, I had never seen anyone so beautiful in my whole 14-15 years back then..I vividly remember saying hi to her and just getting back on staring at her silky hair the whole day that day. As days progressed we talked and talked and got to know about each other, I was not sure that she was also liking me but this one day after the classes left I took out my bicycle and started talking to my friends down near a tree which was not visible from the top storey where our class was, she was actually searching me as she didn’t saw me leave not knowing this I took the cycle and rode down my way home, don’t know what made me turn I just looked back and she was right there from the top window looking at me saying bye with her eyes and a sigh of relief for her she couldn’t bare me from her sight for a few minutes. I was now for sure into her and she was all into me, As being an idiot I am I couldn’t gather the courage to tell her what I felt. don’t know why she stopped coming to class and I never saw her after…Little did I know this wasn’t the last time I will see her… I finished my 9th grade and got over with summer break and ready to start 10th grade joined another coaching class, it was the last day for admission there so I went over there with my dad and stood in the line to get the application, holy shit she was exactly in front of me in the line…I was soooooooooooo happy and was giggling how things come back..we talked a bit as we were shy around our parents and for my luck, she was in the same batch too, I thanked God and got admission there…it was my first day I had joined a van service to commute as it was far from my home, sat there and to another of my surprise we stopped near a house and I saw a girl walk into….there she was, it was her!!! My heart started jumping again and I couldn’t contain my happiness and talked with her till I got there…as the days passed I tried telling her but I couldn’t I was waiting for the right time but I seem the right time was right there but I lost it…on the last day I thought of telling her but I was afraid of losing her and her friendship so I let it go..and said bye for one last time..it was Feb 2019. I talked to her once again (May 2021) as I got her number from a common friend and we texted for a day and so but I couldn’t contain my feelings for her and called her and told her whatever I felt, guess she never felt the same towards me she said, I was heartbroken and she did ask me we could be friends and never get this between us again, but each and every aspect about her I had the same love towards her voice, her hair, her eyes, her fragrance, her smile, her walk, her talk, and her breath…she might have said she never felt the same for me but deep down I know and she knows we were in love but we never dared to tell each other. Don’t die in guilt and cowardness my friends you love/like someone tell them right now, don’t wait for the right time the right time is now! I still have her as a part of me and she will be as I had spent my most beautiful time with her and got my first feeling of oxytocin with her. (4/01/2022 21 32)
Shows/Movies I’m Watching
How I met your mother
The Office UK
Humble Politiciann Nograj
The Big Bang Theory (Rewatch)
The Office US (Rewatch)
Pushpa The Rise
I can never crack NEET if I keep wasting my time on consuming content on the internet and streaming platforms…This is my pledge that I’ll stop watching these many shows and movies from today i.e, 9th Jan 2022.
I will just watch HIMYM during my study breaks to keep me from getting burned out that too only maximum 3 episodes a day.
I will have a lot of free time after my exams and I can do whatever I want as I will own all my 24 hours but I’m now a man with a mission, mission to crack neet and become a doctor. The habit won’t go that easily as it is embedded in my subconscious self it is going to be hard but so am I.
Getting certain with uncertainty
A lot is going on at the moment unable to attain a sense of pause I was unable to focus on my blogs, this was way down in my priority list as I had many important things going on I am a class 12th student whose exams have been cancelled a week ago and all the prep did practically go in vain. Not being a crybaby here but I was a bit disappointed when I heard this news of cancellation now I have packed my bags and prepping full-on for the competitive exams which are just months away. I write to introspect on how I am feeling during a situation this makes me feel light and can get back to many important things without any baggage. This clarity I wouldn’t have got if I hadn’t maintained a journal or this blog for instance. This blog isn’t getting much traffic and if you ask me do I care my answer would be straight no, never wrote here expecting a load of readers this isn’t Wikipedia, Twitter or quora( i do write on quora do-follow). This felt the pretty good thing to do other than scrolling for hours on Instagram and great grammar is always a great add on to your overall profile.
This was a short read maybe not more than a minute and a half, hope you are doing well and keep exploring till then I will get back with something great and worth your time.– dhyan.
Love is complicated..!
Yes, you read it right love or relationships are damn complicated. I mean I didn’t experience it personally but I have seen my very close buddy got into one and I have seen him personally so very much before he got in and after he is in one. I don’t really think whatever I say should be your opinion too but guys honestly I felt the very minute details I have seen just by being around. I will try to describe it in three stages to keep it simple and yet give you a feel of what I have experienced.No hard feelings to my buddy on whom I’ve based this blog, one dude, I’m truly happy for you. Not a typical article but documenting what I felt in these 2 weeks. Now let’s get to it.
- The “Love Blossom”
As per my small experience of being around the people who got into or trying to get in one, Falling for someone is not complicated. I have personally faced this a lot more times than you can think of but then I completely ignored it that’s the reason why I am writing this post otherwise my opinion would have been different. It is a crazy experience by itself the level of intensity just makes it much more excited…The butterflies in your stomach are the most common ones in this regard. The blossom here just means you just think the person is much more special to you than anyone else. You just feel they’re different and you can get your vibes matched with that person..LOTS OF CONFUSION BUT LOTS OF FUN.This happened to my buddy as well for him it wasn’t the looks but it was the talks, from a very long time i could feel the frequency of these two matches but he kept on ignoring until a day when she came and talked to him in such a way that he was not the same person anymore complete transformation I wondered and asked him what she spoke about he just told that she complimented him on his academics and asked him why he doesn’t talk to her as much.No idea of anything more but this is not it. I literally saw them by a distance talk for half-hour. Anyways this is the trigger that makes you fall for someone that trigger is different for every other person in this case it’s the “way of talk”.
2.The ProposalThis is where it gets interesting, a sober teenager never witnessed a proposal before..I was super damn excited to see what happens and what could be her reaction and all that stuff..I repeat I was with my friend at every stage I will be talking about..We literally discussed that what should be told and what he could gift her as a moment to capture..He was super nervous, me a poor guy could do nothing other than cheering him up that no girl could reject him etc..etc..He started taking my advice a week before the proposal actually happened, He would come with his queries and ask me my opinion on what he thought I definitely enjoyed that somebody does think I can sort out their problems I honestly say I just advised him each and everything I felt that was right to do at that moment. The one brilliant piece of advice I gave him was to try and get in touch with her friends beforehand and just ask them what she talks about you with them, this worked like magic!! Her friends were so supportive, We got to know the feeling was mutual and she too likes him. Shoutout to her friends who are now great friends of mine too.After all those discussions with me and her friends, he decided to give a present and say her everything he felt…He was nervous obviously anyone would have been.Then came the D-day the day which my dude was totally nervous and I gave him some pep-talk and as he asked me to stay with him to save him if there was any case of flying chappal or a piece of sweet chin music whatsoever. But luckily nothing happened he just put the present in her bag and said her the three magical words and just ran away he left me also behind. Her reaction was like aaaaaaaaa….. i could see her mouth wide open with surprise and obviously, she too was excited maybe this too was her first time.The next day he comes to the college I could see his eyes relieved with the fact that he actually told her what he wanted to tell for a long time. this actually made him feel relaxed and not too much worried I could see about the reply he would get.
3.The Post-ProposalObviously, it’s a yes from her otherwise I would have not had this section. You can think of any typical young love movies the same thing happened here just not that fast-paced but yes it happened zaroor..all late-night chats, getting gifts, and what not.This not happened a long time ago this and all happened a week before, Now our dude is a very busy man he is not single anymore, He will be online all the time you see but doesn’t get the time to reply to your messages as his fingers are busy typing for someone else, I Totally agree this young love not much logic but no worries chalta hai.
MY MESSAGE TO MY FUTURE SELF:
“But let’s see what the future holds up for me, right now I’m in the mood for exams and definitely no distractions”.Signing off,DHYAN CHAND
- Never keep something to yourself, whomever your friends, family, or anyone close just share it.
- This one is a subtopic from the first point, never scare away from expressing your love to somebody either it’ll be yes if your feeling is mutual or a straight no if its not you’ll feel bad for a few hours and you’ll end up saving days of time which is much more precious I guess.
- Not all attraction is love.
- Never scare off for talking to a girl, they too are humans just talk to them as you normally do with guys…just don’t be creepy that’s it..a light flirting will do to spice up the convo but remember to be in your limits.
- And finally, the best thing I got from this is my new friends who are friends of her whom I earlier mentioned..sorry I couldn’t mention their names here but yeah guys you are a bunch of amazing people and keep that forever.
- BEFORE GETTING INTO A RELATIONSHIP REMEMBER IT IS COMPLICATED AND I THINK YOU(ME) WILL NOT BE ABLE TO SUSTAIN IT..!
Saniha – Short Poemಸನಿಹ ಸೆಳೆಯಿತು ಕೇಳು ಮಾತು
ಕನಸು ಕಾಣಲು ಏನು ಹೊತ್ತು ಗೊತ್ತು
ದೂರ ಹೋದಷ್ಟು ಜಾಸ್ತಿ ಪ್ರೀತಿಯ ಗಾತ್ರ
ನಿನ್ನಸಮ ಸೂರ್ಯ ಚಂದ್ರ ಮಾತ್ರ
ನಾಚಿಕೆ ಒಂದೇ ಸಾಕು ಕೇಳೇ
ಹಾಕೈತು ನಿನಗೆ ಪ್ರೀತಿಯ ಮಾಲೆ
ಅಂದಿನ ಅಪ್ಪುಗೆ ಹೇಗೆ ಮರೆಯಲಿ
ಸವರಿತು ಕೇಶ ನನ್ನನು, ಹಾಗೆಯೇ ಕೇಳದೆ…
ಓಹ್..ದೇವರೇ ಸಮಯ ಅಂದೆ ನಿಂತು ಹೋಗ ಬಾರದೆ…-Dhyan Chand
Preethiya Preyasi – Short Poem
ವಿಳಾಸ: ನನ್ನ ಕಲ್ಪನೆ
ಎಷ್ಟು ಸುಂದರ ಈ ಪ್ರಕೃತಿ ಆ ಸುಮಧುರ ಆಕೃತಿ,
ನಾ ಸವಿದೆ ನಿನ್ನೆಯ ಮಾತಿನ ಸುಕೃತಿ,
ದೂರುವೆ ನನ್ನ ನಾನೇ ಪ್ರತಿಕ್ಷಣ
ಹೇಳಬೇಕಿತ್ತು ನಾ ನಿನ್ನನು ಪ್ರೀತಿಸುವೆ ಹೇಗೆ ಕ್ಷಣ-ಕ್ಷಣ
ನನ್ನೆಯ ರೀತಿ ನಿನ್ನೆಯ ಪ್ರೀತಿ ಪ್ರತಿ ಗಳಿಗೆ,
ಮರಳಿಹೋಗಳಾಗದು ಆ ಕ್ಷಣಗಳಿಗೆ,
ಕೇಳು ಹೇಳುವೆ ಒಂದು ಮಾತು ಇತ್ತು ನನ್ನೆಯ ಒಳಗೆ,
ಮಳೆಯ ಹನಿಯ ಎಣಿಸಲಾಗದು,
ಆಕಾಶದ ಚಂದ್ರ ತಾರೆಗಳನ್ನು ಗುಣಿಸಲಾಗದು,
ಯಾರ ಅಂದವು ಇಷ್ಟು ಚಂದ ವರ್ಣಿಸಲಾಗದು,
ನಿನ್ನನು ನನ್ನಸ್ಟು ಯಾರಿಂದಲೂ ಪ್ರೀತಿಸಲಾಗದು..
ಮಧುರ ಕ್ಷಣಗಳಷ್ಟೇ ಅಲ್ಲ ಪ್ರೀತಿ,
ಪ್ರಾಯದ ಜೊತೆ ಪ್ರೀತಿಯೂ ಕಳೆಯಬಹುದು ಅದೇ ಜಗದ ನೀತಿ,
ಎಷ್ಟೇ ಕಷ್ಟಗಳಗಲಿ ಉದಯ,
ಕುಗ್ಗದು ನಮ್ಮದು ಎರಡು ಜೀವ ಒಂದೇ ಹೃದಯ…
ಕವನ ಕಣ್ಣಿಗೆ ಕಂಡರು ಎಷ್ಟೇ
ನಿನ್ನ ಪ್ರೀತಿ ಮಾಡುವೆ ಎಷ್ಟು ಎಂದು ಗೊತ್ತು ನನಗಷ್ಟೇ,ಹೋಳೆಯುತಿರಲಿಲ್ಲ ನಿನ್ನೆದುರು ಪದಗಳೇ ಮುಂಚೆ,
ನೀ ಹೋದ ಮೇಲೆ ಕವಿ ಯಾದೆ ಇದು ದೇವರಾ ಸಂಚೇ….?
Bhagat Singh: The True Patriot – A grand essay by Dhyan chand
Its been 90 years, yes 90 years since Bhagat Singh along with Rajguru and Sukhdev were hanged to death on 23 March 1931. At the time of hanging Bhagat Singh and Sukhdev were 23 and Rajuru was a mere 22 when these three for the sake of freedom of the nation gave up on their life, yes they were of the same age to whom now we say not to worry about politics and happenings in the country and focus on their career first, But that was a time when working for the country and dying for it was considered to be the most respectful choice. Bhagat Singh was titled the ‘Prince Of Martyr’ and ‘Son of the Nation’.
Today on the 90th death anniversary of Bhagat Singh Rajguru and Sukhdev lets remember them for revolutionary ideology and this is my small tribute to the man who was and will be remembered as a true patriot and a true revolutionary.
What makes Bhagat Singh different from others?
Many Historians believed that after Gandhiji the next most popular freedom fighter is Bhagat Singh. But the sad thing is that those people not just influenced the lives of the countrymen but also kept the fire of Azadi even after their death. Those patriots who asked for purna swaraj when the congress was just asking for dominion status. It’s hard to believe that those true patriots have never been given the Bharat Ratna. The hypocrisy here is that some people want the self-proclaimed ‘veer’ eligible for the highest civilian award who wrote mercy petitions and agreed to serve the British till his death but there are no talks about the true son of the nation who also wrote a letter to the brits, not seeking mercy but to change his penalty form hanging to kill by gunshot. Who do you think is deserving?
Not just the courage is the parameter here even the ideas and ideology Bhagat Singh possessed were constructive and well ahead of the time. Even now the politicians take a minute or two before taking his name because the majority of their actions contradict the principles of Bhagat Singh.
Heroics of the revolutionaries:
It will be interesting to hear that before the prologue of these 3 freedom fighters the story of a 4th fighter comes first, what happened is that in 1928 the Simon Commission was appointed which had 7 British MPs as their members their work was to introduce constitutional reforms in the British Indian government. These reforms had to happen in the Indian constitution but there were no Indians in the commission at all, sounds pretty hypocritical right? So it was obvious that there were protests and the boycott of commission by the congress…Here comes Lala Lajpat rai who was a leader of a front protested alongside his followers against this move this news had reached the police superintendent of then James Scott, he threw a lathi-charge on them. In this incident, Lajpat rai was severely injured and eventually died after a few days in November 1928. Bhagat Singh, Sukhdev, Rajguru, and Chandrashekhar Azad to avenge Lajpat rai’s death went to kill Scott but by chance killed deputy superintendent Saunders instead in this was the case the 3 were given the death penalty. Whereas, Chandrashekhar Azad as his name suggests remained AZAD till his last breath. The point to ponder here is that the ideological differences between Lala and Bhagat Singh. Bhagat Singh was left-leaning and believed in a socialistic approach whereas Lala believed in radical right-leaning aggressive assertive Hindu politics. But there was no clash between them Bhagat Singh considered Lala as his mentor too. Those were the real Acche din when no single ideology could divide people and they were bound by a single agenda “freedom of the nation”. However,” when the honour was avenged with the death of Saunders it failed to inspire the revolutionary reaction Bhagat Singh had anticipated”. Also, they were given the name of terrorists by the brits already. By this time Bhagat Singh had understood that to unite people to bring about a revolution something big had to be done. He famously once said, “To make the deaf hear the sound has to be very loud”.This loud sound was soon heard in the central hall of the parliament when Bhagat Singh with Batukeshvar Dutt threw smoke bombs to raise the sense of their thinking about freedom. The plan was pretty simple to bring the sense of revolution by Hindustan socialist republican association or HSRA it was beforehand decided that both would surrender after bombing to get to hearing as soon as possible and use the court as a stage to influence the people and their feeling towards the freedom struggle.
Another interesting fact is that Bhagat Singh has disguised himself to avoid any attention in the hall in a khaki shirt and a flat hat, he afterwards got a picture clicked in the same attire and this photo is none other than the legendary image of Bhagat Singh. It is true that even after the arrest Bhagat Singh didn’t write mercy petitions or plead the Brits to release him so as Savarkar did. Bhagat Singh stayed a revolutionary and an andolanjeevi inside the prison too he raised his voice against the Brits management and the ill-treatment of Indian prisoners. As per records, he did a hunger strike which lasted 116 days to fulfil the various demands of the Indian prisoners, almost all his demands were accepted except the demand of political prisoner grade. When the Brits changed the date of penalty from 24th to the 23rd The jail superintendent Chattar Singh came to inform Bhagat Singh and he advised him to rejoice the Lord in his last days, but Bhagat Singh humbly ignored him as his wish was to complete the book by Russian revolutionary Vladimir Lenin which he was currently reading before the hanging. On the day of hanging there was utter silence in the jail that silence turned to loud cries as soon as Bhagat Singh Rajguru and Sukhdev came out of their barracks shouting INQUILAB ZINDABAD. Bhagat Singh was hanged first followed by Rajguru and Sukhdev. Their bodies were chopped off filled in sacks and cremated in the bank’s of Sutlej and disposed of in the river all this happened in complete secrecy to this was the fear Brits had on these three.
Bhagat Singh as portrayed was not a violent minded individual, he was polite and possessed highly intellectual thinking. Here’s the thing to know he had read about 200 books before going to prison and read 300 plus books when he was at the prison he was a voracious reader. He was fascinated by the international revolutionaries and their approach to freedom and integrity. He was not only a revolutionary he was a visionary too his many beliefs seem to hold more than any time in this present era. He thought religion will be used to create propaganda which is happening now. He felt that casteism was a bigger evil and had to be fought a bigger battle than battle freedom. He was a strong believer in socialism and thought not just of superficial freedom but the freedom from deep rational and Orthodox thinking and practices this was damaging and detrimental for the country and the countrymen then, now and forever. I as the youth of this country solemnly pledge to uphold the ideals and ideologies of the “True Patriot”.
Sources and References:https://theprint.in/pageturner/excerpt/bhagat-singh-wasnt-just-hanged-but-was-chopped-and-stuffed-in-sacks/626392/
Janmadate – Short Poem
1) ದಿವ್ಯ ಕೈಗಳು ಸವರಿತು ತಲೆಯನ್ನ
ಪ್ರೀತಿ ಮಾಡಿತು ನೋಡದೆ ನನ್ನ ರೂಪವನ್ನ
ನಾನು ತಪ್ಪು ಮಾಡಿದರು ನೂರು ಬಾರಿ
ಕ್ಷಮಿಸಿ ಮುತ್ತಿಟ್ಟಳು ಸಾರಿ ಸಾರಿ..||
2) ಹೆಜ್ಜೆ ಹೆಜ್ಜೆಗೂ ಕೈ ಹಿಡಿದು
ಜೊತೆಗೆ ಇರುವೆ ಕೊನೆವರೆಗೂ
ಕರುಣೆ ತುಂಬಿದ ಮಮಕಾರ
ಕಿಂಚಿತ್ತು ಇಲ್ಲ ಅಹಂಕಾರ ||
3) ಏಳು ಬೀಳು ಎಂದಿಗೂ ಜೊತೆಗೆ
ಇಷ್ಟು ಸಾಕಲ್ಲವೇ ಇನ್ನೇನು ಬೇಕು ಈ ಮನಸಿಗೆ
ಎಷ್ಟು ಹೇಳಿದರೂ ಸಾಲದು ಅವಳ ಗಾತೆ
ಆಕೆಯೇ ನನ್ನೆಯ ಜನ್ಮದಾತೆ…||– Dhyan chand