Writing dairy/journal may seem exhausting at that moment but when you read it after a long time, when you have forgotten the feel of that moment it surely brings a weird mixture of emotions out of you.
I had one such experience when I found a diary entry dated 4 years back where I had confessed my love to my high school sweetheart but never handed it over to her (still regret abt that).
I know we wouldn’t have been together for long and our relationship might have ended at the end of the academic year, but I still have that question deeply unanswered. what might we have been if I had given her that letter?
From a third-person perspective, the answer would be simple, a YES or NO.
But the answer from the perspective of me who never had given a thought about losing her, her friendship, always made me stand behind a line which i dare wouldn’t cross which might end our interaction.
I still remember I had that letter which I had written on an exactly half a4 size sheet with the words which I wanted to tell her during the span of 2 years in which we were together.
It was a compilation of all the poems I had written, which I would whisper to her when we were sitting alone in the classroom, all the doodles which I had drawn whilst I stood from afar and watched her do things (mostly reading and unswirling her hair).
fuck you if you think I was a dork but, a 14-year-old me felt those things were romantic..now that I think of all those things. If I had a chance to give advice to a younger me was to articulate things more, feelings, frustrations, anger and pretty much all emotions not to any other person but to myself.
This diary I found surely brought back a lot of memories. If you’re still reading this I would suggest you please write…
the feeling of lightness after you scribble your emotions on a paper and the feeling of heaviness which you feel after reading the same piece after a few years is truly worth it.
25/06/2022
My Lifepad - dhyan chand 